Just because someone asks…

A Sunday edition, family of podcast; think peace

Just Because Someone Asks

By: Anthony Corona, Founder of the Sunday Edition Family of Podcasts

Opening my email every morning is often an adventure.

Between prophecies from people who have apparently returned from the dead to warn us all about the end times and the daily flood of messages encouraging me to become a cryptocurrency millionaire by next Tuesday, there is usually a lot of delete, delete, delete, delete before I find the messages that actually matter.

This morning, one of those gems appeared.

A newer friend, Judy, who has joined me for several Sunday Edition conversations, sent me a note asking if I would consider writing a think piece about how I interact in awkward or uncomfortable situations with the public at large.

It was prompted by a comment I had made on someone else's post about the endless stream of questions many blind and low vision people encounter from the general public.

I have written about this topic before, but usually from a different perspective.

In my response, I reminded her of something I have come to believe very strongly over the years. I also happened to quote one of my father's favorite pieces of wisdom.

Growing up, my father was full of practical advice. He dispensed little pearls of wisdom to my sister and me on what felt like a daily basis. One of his favorites was simple.

Just because someone asks a question does not mean they are owed an answer.

Now let me state something very clearly.

My father believed deeply in civility. He believed in being polite. He believed in treating people with respect.

What he did not believe was that politeness required surrendering your boundaries.

He wanted my sister and me to understand that not every question comes from a good place. Not every question is appropriate. Not every question deserves an unfiltered response.

We were expected to be respectful, especially to our elders.

We were not expected to provide information simply because someone demanded it.

That lesson has served me well throughout my life.

When it comes to educating the public about blindness, my philosophy is fairly simple.

It happens on my time and at my discretion.

If there is a genuine opportunity for conversation, understanding, education, or connection, I will usually engage.

In fact, I often enjoy those conversations.

This is especially true when the discussion involves my Guide Dog. I genuinely believe that positive interactions between the public and legitimate service dog teams help all of us. Every respectful conversation creates a little more understanding and a little less confusion.

That benefits everyone.

But none of that means I am obligated to answer every question that comes my way.

The same principle applies to questions about how I dress myself.

How I shave so accurately.

How I cook.

Whether blind people can enjoy relationships, intimacy, or sex.

How I travel.

How I work.

Or any of the countless other questions that sometimes appear out of nowhere.

The same principle extends to the company I keep.

One situation that almost always earns a slightly snarky response from me is when someone decides to speak to the sighted person standing next to me instead of speaking directly to me.

If a restaurant server asks my companion what I would like to drink, I might respond with something like:

"Well, since he's here and can answer for himself, he would enjoy a Coke with his meal."

Or when a medical professional asks someone accompanying me whether I brought my insurance card, I may politely say:

"Why don't we ask the patient himself?"

Most of the time, that is enough to redirect the conversation where it belonged in the first place.

I have also had very polite but very direct conversations with the people in my life.

I do not want people speaking for me.

If I need assistance advocating for myself, I am fully capable of asking for it.

Now, if someone who loves me becomes frustrated because they feel I am being treated unfairly and jumps into the conversation, that is different. I understand where that comes from.

But as a general rule, I have asked my friends and family to let me be the architect of my own experiences and the professor of my own wants and needs.

As I have been known to do, I digress.

So let us circle back to the main point.

I would encourage all of us to think carefully about where conversation is useful, where education is valuable, and where a particular interaction might genuinely move understanding forward.

At the same time, I would encourage us to remember one very simple truth.

Just because someone asks does not mean you are required to answer.

A firm but polite:

"I do not really see how that pertains to the situation at hand."

Or:

"I'm sorry, but that question feels a little more personal than I am comfortable discussing."

Or my personal favorite:

"I appreciate your question, but that is not really relevant to our conversation today."

Each of those responses accomplishes the same thing.

They establish a boundary.

They redirect the conversation.

They remind others that curiosity does not automatically create entitlement.

So class, let us all say it together.

"I appreciate your question, but that is not really relevant to our conversation today."

Self confidence is a form of self care.

Healthy boundaries are a form of self advocacy.

And sometimes the most empowering answer we can give is no answer at all.